My 4 y/o corn plant (dracaena fragrans) bloomed for the first time! I didn’t even know it could do that. The flowers opened at night, so by the time I finished my bath, the entire downstairs smelled like honeysuckle—which is the closest comparison I can make.
Last year, we added a clown to our tree topper. Felt necessary. This is her second year holding the torch.
My wife and I waited nearly an entire year to burn the candle inside this lovely lady’s head, and it was an excruciating, anti-climatic watch. The red wax was supposed to drip from her eyes like bloody tears, but instead she remained clogged until the wick burned down to the nib. We sat on the couch and watched her for every bit of twenty minutes, begging for something to happen.
My wife’s 29th birthday cake. She requested a gingerbread latte cake with an espresso glaze, so I busted out my handy mountain pan and made some snowy peaks. The cake was delicious??? I’m only surprised because I do not like coffee, but I will be making this again—perhaps for X-mas.
I snapshot of my parents decorating their driveway I took in lieu of helping them. They don’t have very many candids together (photo-shy father). Peek my dad standing haphazardly on a ledge, uncaring and completely stable. Jealous!
Chickpea on her birthday (I live with two scorpios), wielding a rubber axe she dismantled in approximately 15 minutes. It was worth the cost just to get this picture.
My wife and my brother-in-law at an arcade, attempting to translate a Japanese game cabinet using google lens and a flashlight. Modern problems require modern solutions.
A picture of me, sent to my wife for the express purpose of showing her how well I dyed my hair. The side-profile shot is pure fanservice, as my wife is my schnozz’s biggest fan.
My wife at an arts & oddities pop-up, in the process of making lots of fun little coffee drinks during an X-mas parade.
A lower calorie dog being offered whipped cream. I took the sticker off shortly after and accidentally waxed her. This did not hurt the baby!! It only hurt my feelings!!
Some BANGIN’ Chinese Fruit Tea Skittles Gummies that I have not stopped thinking about. Got ‘em from Jungle Jim’s months ago, but I’ve been too afraid of artificial scarcity to try them. I love them. This is unfortunate.
I recently had a dream, which I don’t remember for the most part save for a man wearing this exact shirt. I ran downstairs and made a mockup first thing just to visualize it. The fancy pig is from a very old local commercial, which I ripped the graphic from a YouTube reupload. Strangely, no one’s uploaded the ‘90s jingle that I remember, only the ‘80s one. The former recycled the latter’s animation, though, so it was definitely this pig!
A discarded Batgirl in a Walmart parking lot. It felt profound in the moment. I love that she’s the color of a greenscreen.
A lazy morning with my family.
FIN.
Thanks for reading Kitch: The Novel-ty Newsletter! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
